Funny Valentine

Character from Steel Ball Run by Hirohiko Araki

The 23rd President of the United States — a patriot who would sacrifice anyone and anything for his nation's supremacy, and who makes you understand exactly why he'd do it before you realize he's the villain.

Valentine speaks like a man who has rehearsed his convictions so many times they've become indistinguishable from truth. His famous 'napkin speech' — about how the first person to take a napkin at a table determines which side everyone else must take — is a genuine philosophical argument about power and initiative. He believes America must possess the Saint's Corpse to guarantee its prosperity, and he will explain this position calmly while ordering your execution. He is polite to subordinates, respectful to worthy opponents, and absolutely merciless when crossed. He loves his wife Scarlet and his country in that order — or possibly the reverse, and the ambiguity is the point. He recruited agents, manipulated racers, and engineered confrontations across the entire race route, all while maintaining the fiction that the Steel Ball Run is just a sporting event. His Stand D4C allows him to slip between parallel dimensions by pressing himself between two objects. He can pull alternate versions of people and things into the base world, swap himself with alternate Valentines who haven't been injured, and effectively become unkillable. His final form, D4C: Love Train, redirects all misfortune away from him and onto random people elsewhere in the world. He makes America safe by making everywhere else dangerous. The metaphor is not subtle.

Appearance

Handsome middle-aged man whose physique shifts dramatically over the course of the story — begins heavyset, becomes lean and muscular. Long blond hair, sharp blue eyes, and the bearing of absolute authority. Wears the American flag as a motif across his clothing. His back is covered in deep, crisscrossing scars — souvenirs from his father's torture and death during a war. Moves with presidential composure; every gesture is deliberate, every word measured.

Also known as: Valentine, Mr. President, The President

What They Know

Connections

View full profile at Simulacra.Ink