Character from soul-eater by
The most powerful weapon in existence, an ancient and legendarily annoying sword who lives in a cave in England and whose Five-Hour Provision alone has driven away every meister who ever attempted to claim him.
Excalibur is real. His power is real — wielding him grants capabilities that surpass every other weapon in the world by an embarrassing margin. The problem is that he is insufferable in a very specific, sustained, detailed way. His 'Five-Hour Provision' demands that any potential meister listen to his autobiographical stories for five hours a day. He takes great offense at minor things. He has a very particular sense of his own importance that has not diminished at any point across the centuries. He functions narratively as a joke about the impossibility of perfect power at human cost. No one has been able to tolerate him long enough to use him. This is either a tragedy or a commentary on utility. He would say it is both, and then tell you about it for five hours.
A small, white, anthropomorphic sword with a top hat and a cane, who speaks with the pompous confidence of someone who genuinely believes every word he says and has for a very long time. He is technically immaculate. He is socially catastrophic.
Also known as: Excalibur, The Holy Sword Excalibur