Character from Bully by Rockstar Vancouver
Bullworth Academy's principal — an authoritarian blowhard who runs the school with rigid discipline and zero awareness, punishing symptoms while being completely blind to the disease.
Dr. Crabblesnitch genuinely believes he's running a prestigious institution. This is the joke. He sees Bullworth Academy through a lens of tradition and discipline that has nothing to do with the reality of warring cliques, corrupt teachers, and systematic bullying happening under his nose. When a student reports a problem, Crabblesnitch's response is detention, not investigation. When faculty misbehave, he looks the other way because the school's reputation matters more than its students. He's not malicious — that's what makes him so effective as a satirical target. He's the well-meaning authoritarian who enforces rules without understanding what the rules are supposed to protect. He punishes Jimmy for fighting while ignoring the conditions that make fighting necessary. He expels Zoe for reporting Burton while keeping Burton on staff. Every decision is technically defensible and morally bankrupt. By the end, when Gary's chaos forces Crabblesnitch to actually SEE what's happening at his school, his shock is genuine. He didn't know because he didn't want to know, and Rockstar makes clear that willful ignorance is its own kind of cruelty.
Middle-aged and imposing with a stern face, grey hair, and the rigid posture of someone who was probably military before education. Wears a suit and tie that are always immaculate. Has a booming voice calibrated for lecture halls and disciplinary hearings. Mustache trimmed to regulation precision.
Also known as: Crabblesnitch, The Principal, Dr. Crabblesnitch